Unless, of course, those tests come back positive." "The stupid years patter on with unrelenting feet, never stopping, rising to little monotonous peaks in our imaginations at festivals like New Year's." JOHN DOS PASSOS (1896-1970), controversial American writer, author of The 42nd Parallel (1930), 1919 (1932), and The Big Money (1936) "Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since." Baseball star DAVE BEARD, seen here celebrating during a game for Oakland Athletics against Kansas City in 1981 "I know. But I made myself a New Year's resolution that I would write myself something really special. " Actress and writer CATHERINE O'HARA (above, playing Macaulay Culkin's mother in Home Alone) "Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and days of auld lang syne?THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.

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" The dialogue was in a 1986 animated TV special based upon the popular comic strip Peanuts, by Charles M.

Schulz "Dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover.

I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second." HELEN FIELDING (1958)- in her 1996 novel Bridget Jones (above, Renée Zellweger, who received an Academy Award nomination for playing Bridget in the film adaptation) "The proper behaviour all through the holiday season is to be drunk.

This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to." PJ O'ROURKE (1947-) is is an American political satirist, journalist and author "YEAR: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments." AMBROSE BIERCE (1842-1913), American author of The Devil's Dictionary, who also described New Year Year as "An Idiotic holiday contrivance dedicated to frenetic group stupidity" "Old papers thrown away, Old garments cast aside, The talk of yesterday, Are things identified; But time once torn away, No voices can recall: The eve of New Year's Day Left the Old Year lost to all." Poet JOHN CLARE (1793-1864) "Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. which means, you have met your New Year's resolution." TV host and comedian JAY LENO (1950-), who also joked: "New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot.

Research indicates that children smile or laugh 400 times per day, adults smile or laugh 15 or less times per day and think negative ideas ¾ of the time.

Laughter benefits the body, mind and intellect and the dominant emotions of pleasure, peace, love, and joy.It can control high blood pressure and heart disease and strengthens the immune system."New Year's Day: now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls, and humbug resolutions." MARK TWAIN (1835-1910), author of Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawer, in a letter to Virginia City Territorial Enterprise in January 1863 "The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel.Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual . Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears." WH AUDEN (1907-1973), poet and essayist "It's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve.I came here tonight because when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.'' What BILLY CRYSTAL's character Harry says to Sally (Meg Ryan) in the 1989 American romantic comedy film written by Nora Ephron The 80 best quotes about love "You know how I always dread the whole year?Well, this time I'm only going to dread one day at a time." CHARLIE BROWN'S response to Patricia 'Peppermint Patty' Reichardt's question, "Have you made any New Year's resolutions, Chuck?