My husband and I come from two different cultures (I’m Asian, he’s African-American) and were raised very differently.

He’s getting HIS needs met – he has a sweet wife who watches his boy and he gets to see her whenever he chooses to come home.

But marriage isn’t only about HIS needs; it’s about yours, too.

And if they’re not getting met, then you’ve gotta get out.

Now we’re not even two years into our marriage (after three years of dating, during which time we didn’t live together), and I can’t stop fantasizing about leaving (while alternately crying at the thought of it).

I’ve taken on a major responsibility: taking care of his six-year-old son who’s with us 75% of the time. and doesn’t come home until dinner – sometimes after. He doesn’t have a high-powered job that requires him to be there. He has a decent-paying day job, but on weekends, he keeps looking for ways to make money—selling clothes, shoes, selling anything. He calls me a lot to check on me, but then checks off once he realizes I’m okay. If you’re dating a guy who is good, but you’re not actually getting your basic needs met on a daily basis – whether it’s sex, stability, attention or his mere presence, you do not have a good husband.

And I think I’m more attached to his son than I am to him because he’s barely around. When he’s home, he’s on the phone talking about work. We never go anywhere (this is not just a superlative – we literally haven’t been out of town in the five years we’ve been together – I take vacations by myself). When I’m not okay he pesters me to tell him what’s wrong, but when I do (I’ve discussed all this with him) he gets defensive. And if you’re reading that and wincing, because it seems like I’m placing the blame squarely on our innocent original poster, guess what? Unless your husband did a 180 after marrying you and became a radically different person following three years of courtship, you knew exactly who he was, and you either didn’t notice or didn’t care. 2) There’s a distinction in wanting to get married vs. I wrote a newsletter about this recently, inspired by my intern, April.He doesn’t care for the beach, the mountains, trying out new restaurants, dancing, or checking out new places. He talks about how I don’t understand how hard he has to work because I don’t have a kid or that I grew up wealthy, or that “you do what you need to do before you do what you want to do.” The thing is, there’s always something that needs to be done, right? The fact that you said, “he convinced you that you could make things work,” makes it sound like you didn’t have any choice in the matter. There are good men who don’t ever want to get married. Sometimes, you’ve put in your time, you’ve dated around, and you just want to make something LAST.He also doesn’t want to spend any money, even if I always offer to cover half. The way I see it, I’ve taken on a lot of responsibility by marrying a single dad–who’s never around! Like you just threw up your hands and said, “You’re never around, we can’t agree on anything, we don’t have common interests, and you have a six-year-old son I’d have to take care of 75% of the time given your work habits, but what the hell? ” This illustrates two important dating coaching principles of mine. So you end up marrying the man who is your boyfriend for two years, and it turns out that the problems you had with him when you were single have not disappeared now that you’re married.We did go somewhere nice on our honeymoon, but only because our wedding guests paid for it. I feel like a roommate, a nanny, and someone he has sex with. I figure he’s a great guy, I love him, I’m super attracted to him, but our life together sucks. I clean up after myself and pay my bills just like he does, (we split all our expenses), but I need to enjoy myself too. You feel like you made a smart, adult decision by marrying a responsible, ethical man who loves you. 1) There’s a huge difference between a good man and a good husband. In fact, they’re exacerbated, because you’re living under the same roof and have a higher set of expectations. If you propose to a drama queen, she’ll be a drama queen when she’s your wife.If you accept a ring from a workaholic, he’ll be a workaholic when he’s your husband.I’m no marriage counselor but given his preference for work over domestic life, your lack of common interests, and your inability to communicate about money, I would suggest you consider separating.